I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
