I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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