it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
