you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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