Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
