Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
