your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
