I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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