She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
