She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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