3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's like heaven, but drunker
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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