Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
