i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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