im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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