I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
