ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
