I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
