32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
