i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
