she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
