real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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