We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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