Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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