I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
