I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
