someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
