I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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