She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
