I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
