He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
