i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
