I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize