1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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