I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
