We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
