Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Randomize
