She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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