I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
