this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
