i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
