I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
