This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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