I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
