first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I didn't shave. On purpose
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
