If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
