is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
