3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
