are you still at the devil's house?
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I died a long time ago.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
