Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
