Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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