i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
