You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just had sex on a roof
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
