There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
