o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
