nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
