Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
